


Brothers In All But Name

by TylaLynn323



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton-centric, Enemies to Friends, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Good Loki (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, No Sex, No Smut, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Tony Stark, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29662260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TylaLynn323/pseuds/TylaLynn323
Summary: What if Clint and Loki had developed a friendship while under mind-control? What would that have changed?
Relationships: Clint Barton & Loki, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov/Thor, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark
Comments: 29
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this over on Fanfiction.net, and I thought I'd start with this one to transfer all my works over. I really love the Clint & Loki friendship tihng, so I made my own, and along the qay it turned out to be kind of unique, so ... yeah.

Clint watched his boss.

He knew there was something wrong. Had known, ever since the link was created. Every now and then, these echoes of pain would trickle through the bond, and it would make all the agents grab their heads in agony.

Loki, surprisingly, didn’t participate in their day-to-day actions much. Besides asking Clint and Erik for progress reports, he mostly spent his time in a brick room. When Clint would enter, he would usually find him sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, with a completely blank expression.

A part of Clint wonders at it, tries to rationalize the idea of  _ Loki _ and  _ blank _ . He always did his best to silence that part of him, and  _ really _ how could anyone think that Loki was  _ evil _ ? Nah, he was his boss.

And Clint had always been known for his loyalty.

Clint walked in one morning to see Loki staring at the scepter sitting innocently in front of him. A wave of emotions flickered through his eyes, but they were muted and dulled. Upon Clint’s entrance, he looked up and gazed sadly into his eyes. It was as if … nah.

“Boss.”

Loki blinked, and then hesitantly picked up the scepter once more. When he made contact, his eyes became a vibrant blue, and his posture returned to rigidity, even as a smirk found it’s way onto his face.

“Yes, Hawk?”

Clint raised an eyebrow, “I was wondering if you wanted to spar.”

Loki  _ snickered _ , “And get a chance to beat you into the ground again? I will be there in a moment.”

The Hawk smiled before nodding, and leaving the room, and Loki alone once more.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki wearily rubbed his eyes. It was such a strain, switching so frequently from in control to not in control. His magic was lost, and so he was defenseless.  _ Helpless, burning, clawing, THOR! _ He shook his head. He tried desperately to banish such memories, but every time he came in contact with the scepter, it would rush them into his mind, and he spent most of his time trying to combat them. How did the Hawk do it?

The Hawk … was a strange anomaly. Unlike with most of the other grunts, when he was controlled he retained most of his personality. It was like, the control, was just a tweak of the archer’s normal state. Much like him, really. The bond was an unsettling addition. He had not been expecting such a strong bond among the controlled, himself included. Feelings, Knowledge, it was all shared at some level, and some members even could communicate via telepathic link.

Over the past two weeks, the Hawk had been something of a comfort to him. He clearly knew that something was  _ wrong _ with Loki, and he’d be right. Loki was a monster, he was utterly unworthy of anything good that the Norns could or would give him. Yet, the Hawk was a blessing. They’d sparred frequently, Loki even taking the time to teach him better combat techniques. Of course, due to the utter absence of magic in the Hawk’s being, Loki could not teach him anything of Loki’s greater strength. Not that he could, since  _ he _ broke Loki’s magic.

The Hawk would always come to him after a meeting with the Other, bringing some sort of new greasy Midgardian food, that was always strangely comforting. Still, he longed for Moth-Frigga’s bread.

Loki watched himself leave for the sparring room. It was a strange way to exist, as if one was watching their actions through a looking glass, with water pressing down upon you making your senses muddled. It felt far too much like the Void for Loki’s liking, but there was nothing for it.

He dodged a punch, and swung around to hit the man’s side, however it resulted in nothing more than a grunt. Hawk pitched and rolled as he grabbed Loki and attempted to twist to throw him to the floor, but Loki simply smirked and sidestepped before grabbing the Hawk with his superior strength, and preventing any movement.

The Hawk sighed, “I Yield!”

“Hawk, you really ought to have learned that there is no getting around my strength using brute force. You must use your mind.”

“It’s Clint, you know.”

Loki did a double take, “What?”

Hawk shuffled, before sticking his hands in his pockets “My name...is Clint. You can call me that, if you want.”

Loki stared in utter bafflement at the mortal in front of him, even as his eyes rapidly shifted colors and the headache built in his mind. The  _ mortal _ was telling him to call him by name! The man whose mind he … controlled. Loki’s heart seemed to stutter as it tried to comprehend this act. Then again, maybe it was simply a  _ product _ of the control. After all, if he was in his right mind there is no way he would tell him to call him such. Still, to even have an opportunity for such companionship at all was … refreshing.

“Very well, Clint.”

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


It was the next day, as Clint recovered from the phantom pains of the Other’s  _ discussions _ with Loki, that he brought Loki a package of donuts. As he stared down at the strawberry donut in his hand, his heart gave a little lurch, and he blurted it out before really thinking.

“Cooper loves these.”

Well, he sure had Loki’s attention. With a half forgotten blueberry donut in his hands, Loki looks at Clint as if he’s something he’s never seen before. And in some ways, he supposes it’s true. The scepter messes with the head, with memories. One day you found yourself remembering everything, and the next you couldn’t remember what the name of the person next to you was, even if they’d told it to you moments prior.

Clint hated it. He hated the feeling of being so  _ broken _ , feeling like he’s been put back together wrong. But, at the same time, he loved the  _ connection _ . It was something he’d never had with anyone. Not Barney, not Natasha, no one. But with Loki, he could have that  _ pure empathy _ , because he knew that the man next to him could  _ feel _ what he felt. Besides, as much as he’d hated to admit it in the beginning, Loki was  _ interesting _ . He wasn’t a fool, he’d seen how Loki could switch from control to helplessness in the blink of an eye, but there was still something inherently  _ fun _ about the trickster god. Something that needed to be dug out, returned. Something the man’d had stolen from him a long time ago.

Maybe that’s why he allowed his control-addled brain to share his most precious secrets.

“He’s 6 now. He has a fascination for trucks, and he thinks his best friend at school is a superhero. Laura refuses to let him have a Starkphone until he’s older, so he pleads with us till our ears bleed. I finally got him one. I sent it in the mail. I was on a mission, so I couldn’t give it to him myself.” Clint sighed, and turned to look at the brick in the wall. He distantly notes that Loki does the same, with a mysterious frown on his face. “He dotes on his little sister. She’s about 2. Already speaking in full sentences. I don’t know  _ what _ I’m going to do with that girl. She pranked her brother twice in a week.” He smiled, “She’s adorable though. Her first word was ‘Arrow’. Laura wouldn’t stop glaring at me for weeks.”

He fell silent, and turned to look at Loki. He appeared as if he was trying to burn a hole in the wall with his gaze alone. He waited a few minutes to see if the ‘god’ would say anything, but when he didn’t he began to gather up the plastic remnants of their meal.

“My father.” Clint paused with his arm still in the air. “Odin. He found me on Jotunheim after he’d finished wiping out most of their population.” Clint’s head spun at the reminder that there were literal  _ aliens _ , but he ignored his inner panic and continued to listen patiently, “I’d been left to die by my birth father at an altar. Odin took me back to Asgard. I did not learn I was adopted until roughly a year ago. He did not tell me and I … I did not react well.” Loki shook his head at himself as if surprised he was sharing. “Jotuns. Jotuns are the monsters that Asgardians tell their children about at night. When we were children, Thor and I both vowed to kill them all.” He lifted his pained gaze, “I do not know if Thor will still honor that vow,” He snorted. “He always was an oaf.”

Loki fell silent, and Clint studied him for a moment before rising. He gathered up all the litter and turned to leave before pausing at the door.

“All I can say is … Odin is an asshat.”

He heard Loki’s chuckle as he closed the door behind him.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki sat underneath a covering as he watched the thunderstorm outside. He’d always secretly loved thunderstorms, and  _ no _ it wasn’t because of Thor. They were chaotic, and yet peaceful. It was a pleasing duality to see, one he felt he related to in some ways.

Still...maybe Thor  _ was _ close by.

He sensed Clint sit down next to him. He grinned a little. No. Thor wasn’t near. But Clint was. And Clint would stay. For a while at least. Everyone eventually left him in the end.

The two simply sat in silence for the longest time, before Loki began to find it stifling, and he simply began to speak.

“What is it like, Clint? With your children?”

Clint shot him a sideways glance, before returning his gaze to the dark clouds. “It’s a beautiful thing, to have the love of a child. To love them in return. Every milestone, every moment is a precious treasure. It always makes you feel as if you’re not worthy of it, worried that you’ll mess it up in some way.”

Loki’s troubled gaze dropped to the grass under his feet, and stayed there.

“When I was a kid, I lived with my father, mother, and older brother. Mother was a wonderful lady, always trying to give her sons everything she could. Love that we never got from our father, we could always count on Mom to give it to us. There’s really nothing to say about my father other than the fact that he was an abusive alcoholic. When Barney was 12 and I was 10, they both died in a car accident. We didn’t cope well with Mom’s loss. We went into foster care, but we caused problems for every family we went to, so we were bounced around a lot. Finally, Barney and I ran away.” Clint snorted, “We joined a  _ circus _ . Don’t know what the heck we were thinking. Anyway, the circus had this performer whose stage name was Hawkeye. He was an archer, and he taught me all the tricks of his trade. Well, Barney got into some bad company, and, uh.” He gulped, and noticed that Loki was staring, “Barney was found dead in an alley with his throat cut at 15.”

Loki’s sharp intake of breath was noticed in the sudden silence of the storm. He gazed up at the clouds and then looked again at Barton, with a heavy dose of sympathy in his gaze, “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.”

Clint huffed a bitter laugh, “Yeah.”

Light footsteps alerted them to another controlled’s presence, and both immediately snapped rigid. Once again, Thanos’s minions.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki wasn’t a fool, he knew that the bond between Clint and himself was growing. It could be felt more and more every day. He could feel the complacency when Clint was up in his nest, the frustration when he talked to Dr. Selvig, and the insanely strong urge to roll his eyes at Stephan’s horrid jokes. He tried not to admit to himself that he’d grown fond of the mortal, because  _ that _ would only be setting himself up for failure.

As he waited, once again, for the scientists to continue to build the machine, he was startled from his thoughts, as an unfamiliar foreign presence entered his mind.

_ Um, boss? _

The completely childlike curiosity and discomfort in that statement made Loki snicker. It appears that the bond had become strong enough for telepathy. What … joy.

_ Yes, Clint? _

_ Can I kill Selvig? Please? _

Loki rolled his eyes. He could practically  _ hear _ the pleading look on the archer’s face.  _ No, he’s necessary for Thanos’s plan. Rein in your temper, archer. _

He sighed in despair,  _ Yes, Boss. _

Loki paused. He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t.

_ It’s Loki. _

The moment felt weighted, and hesitantly Clint asked,  _ You sure, Boss? _

Loki gloried in the fact that he was being allowed to have a connection with someone, something he’d been sure Thanos would’ve never allowed to happen. But the Hawk was special. Loki would admit that. He  _ would not _ admit that he found his presence comforting. Nope. Never. Clint would eventually leave, but until then, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

_ Yes, Clint. I’m sure. _

_ Ok, Loki _ . The smile in his voice was evident.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


The part of Clint that wasn’t completely under control, had no idea what he was doing. Loki was a  _ Norse God _ who had  _ mind controlled _ him. Even if he did logically know that it wasn’t actually  _ Loki _ ’s control, it had still been Loki who had chosen Clint for control, who had been the face behind the action, and as much as he  _ did _ mildly hate him for that, he struggled to reconcile the image of the man before him with the maniac that had appeared in the SHIELD base. Loki’s head rested on his knees, and the defeated slump of his shoulders made all of Clint uncomfortable, for different reasons. It had only been five minutes ago, that Clint had felt pain more agonizing than anything he’d felt over the bond  _ ever _ , and that was saying a lot. Even as he stood here, he could feel the misery flooding from Loki’s mind and soul. 

Rubbing his head to try to alleviate his constant headache, he shuffled over and plopped down in front of Loki. Neither said anything.

After all, Clint really had never been a  _ people person _ . Who could be when they spent most of their lives killing others? He grimaced as he realized that his most common habit when he was bored, was to count up his kills one by one. That was  _ sooo _ not healthy … and mildly psychotic. A heavy mental sigh seemed to reverberate through his head. Damn, thinking  _ hurt _ lately.

A slight shuffle pulled his gaze from the blank gray wall, to see Loki surprisingly collapse  _ even more _ (how was that possible?) against the wall, starting to rub his eyes. Clint winced. He knew that feeling. The feeling of thousands of tiny needles in your eye was something no one could  _ ever _ get used to.

Despite the dull aching, Clint’s mind began to wander. There was a kite in the sky. Red and Gold, after his son’s favorite superhero. A small bark drew attention to the 3 month old puppy, which Cooper had begged and pleaded for hours for, who was happily bouncing around a laughing little boy with fluffy brown hair. A pregnant woman leaned against a tall tree nearby, and attempted to fix her wildly blowing hair. He heard himself laugh at her, and she struck his arm, sending him the smile that always made his heart do flip-flops.

_ “Shush you! I remember a very awkward young man who spent two hours before our first date attempting to get his hair  _ **_just right_ ** _.” She chuckled, “We lost our reservation, remember?” _

_ “Yep” He beamed, “But I seem to remember us using the time for something more  _ **_fun_ ** _.” _

_ “Clinton Barton!” She hissed, and shot a glance at their happily oblivious son, “ _ **_Little Ears!_ ** _ ” _

_ He smirked and leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips, “Yes, dear.” _

Clint found himself abruptly waking from his daydream to softly spoken words.

“Huh?”

Loki snorted, “Very intelligible, Clint.” Clint scowled, but Loki continued, “...I’m sorry.”

Clint blinked. He blinked again. Oh! Oh…

Loki was  _ apologizing _ .

Damn, he wished he didn’t have a migraine for this.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki watched Clint double take at him, and resisted the urge to squirm. It didn’t  _ feel right _ to be apologizing, but he’d gotten fond of this mortal. Foolishly so, and it always made him feel that unfamiliar feeling of guilt when he thought of the troubles that he had  _ inadvertently _ brought upon Clint. It wasn’t  _ right _ , he wasn’t supposed to be this  _ soft _ . And he was sure that if it had been any other mortal, and if they had been in any other situation, he would not have been. Still, he couldn’t deny that when Clint had told him of his history, the small part of him that was sickeningly vulnerable had latched onto him, creating a powerful new bond free of foreign influence.

He … was indecisive. He would stick with that for now.

Still, Clint  _ did _ deserve an apology.

“Um…” He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Mortals were always awful with words when they were surprised. It’s almost as if their brains stop working or something. That would be so terribly inconvenient of a problem to have. He shuddered. “Sorry for what?”

Loki stiffened. He  _ did not _ want to do this. “I … You didn’t deserve any of this. You deserve to be home with your children, not in the eye of Thanos. It’s all my fault. If I had simply not been so weak, you would most likely never have been troubled with this.” Loki gulped, “I … apologize for the mess of your life that I’ve created.”

His supposed “ _ silvertongue _ ” must have decided to take the day off. That was the least articulate he’d  _ ever _ been, which is honestly quite an accomplishment. Loki spent the next minute internally snarling to himself at his nervousness, and unconsciously picking at his left hand, a regrettable habit that he’d unfortunately never grown out of. Suffice it to say, the ensuing silence was extremely painful for the exhausted god of chaos.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Clint dropped his gaze to the flooring beneath them, as he mulled over his words. The incessant burning in the back of his brain pushed aside for a moment, to allow Clint to at the very least  _ try _ to think rationally.

He knew very well that this was the moment of truth. Loki had done his best to apologize, something that Clint doesn’t think he does too often, but  _ could Clint really accept that apology _ ? Since he’d met Loki, he’d been forced to kill many of his former friends, even shooting Fury, he’d had to be subject to unfathomable mental pain, a burning migraine from being thrust so frequently into and out of control, and he was separated from Nat and his family, and most likely considered an enemy by the entirety of SHIELD, all while being stuck in a underground, moldy, old subway station. He rubbed his eyes.  _ That’s a pretty damn intense list _ .

Still, on the other hand, he’d met Loki. He’d felt a level of connection with many of the controlled, when they were in their right mind, and when they weren’t. It was a beautiful thing to have such a connection with another being, it invigorated you, and made you feel … as if you were no longer alone. Sometimes the pure joy of it could make you forget if only for a time that it is irreversibly tainted, and stained with the dark magic which flowed from the scepter. (Look at him, all grown up and talking about  _ magic _ . Barney would have laughed his ass off.)

Loki, himself, was honestly a very positive side of this whole mind control shit. Once Clint (in his right mind) had been able to look and see that he was just as helpless as Clint himself, well, he’d started to try to re-evaluate. Without Bias or Prejudice. It didn’t help that the controlled part of him thought Loki  _ was the living end _ , and that another part of him absolutely hated and despised Loki for “what he’d done”. God, the side effects of mind control suck.

He’d been able to see a tired, weary, and broken man who wanted to be allowed to live the rest of his admittedly long life in peace. Someone who had been wronged extensively for like thousands of years, and had thought he’d finally reached his breaking point, only to have it proven that he  _ could _ be brought lower. They had talked. Loki had, in an unusually vulnerable mood once, had told Clint all about his life. Everything from the beginning, and  _ man _ , Clint  _ did not _ envy him.

At the end of all this, Clint just couldn’t bring himself to hate Loki, or even dislike him. He had no doubt that they’d get along splendidly if they both weren’t broken and weary. When, in a light hearted spirit, Loki had told him some of his more elaborate pranks, Clint had legit stared at him in awe, and couldn’t bring himself to close his jaw for a full two minutes. Like seriously, he should have just been named God of Pranks.

Clint shook his head. He was getting so off topic. Point was, with a bit of introspection, Clint  _ did _ find lingering resentment, but he sneered at himself. Why didn’t he simply direct that resentment and anger in the place that he  _ knew _ deserved it. That complete asshole, Thanos.

He actually truly liked Loki. He was a good guy, if someone would help him find the good within himself, he’d probably be one of the best men Clint knew.  _ With _ a little help. His brow scrunched, as he suddenly realized,  _ No one is going to fucking help him, are they? _

Well, screw that. Cooper was like the ultimate medicine, and Lila … well, her nickname is sunshine for a reason.

His gaze wandered to the fidgeting god that he’d almost forgotten was there, and watched him squirm for several moments before snorting, and putting him out of his misery. With the grin that he  _ knew _ Loki hated, he dropped the bombshell.

“I forgive you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's where the craziness starts, lol. Can't wait to see ya'll's opinions!

“ _ What?! _ ” Loki wanted to think that it had come out as a sort of shocked whisper, but a cynical part of him assured him that it was more of a  _ squeak _ . How …  _ how _ was he saying it? This mortal, who he had wronged so dreadfully, was  _ forgiving him _ ? His supposed family hadn’t even ever told him they forgave him!

Clint smiled and winked, even as he suppressed a pained wince, “I forgive you.”

Loki blinked, discombobulated. It was … impossible. No,  _ no _ it wasn’t real. He gripped his head as a massive headache threatened to emerge. A foot or two away, Clint similarly gripped his head, and twin groans of pain could be heard leaving both men, even as the scepter’s eerie blue light pulsed from the corner.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Pain. Pain. Pain was all that existed.

He didn’t even know who he was, all he knew was that there was immense pain, and no way to  _ get out _ .  _ He had to get out _ . Burning fire spread through his bones, but he couldn’t even feel his body. An incomprehensible screech split through his hearing, and it took him longer than it should have to recognize it as his own.

He was sure his brain was tearing itself apart, with the piercing pain that he could feel spike every second, even as his whole head seemed to throb. He was sure that by now, that his body was thrashing, but in his panicked daze it didn’t seem to register.

Slamming sounds erupted from his right and with monumental effort, he turned his unseeing eyes in that direction. Someone … who was it? An extreme spike of pain had him groveling again, and vainly trying to regain control, even as he felt a slimy substance slide it’s way into his mind.

But … who was?

He collapsed in a screaming heap.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


It came slowly, the cold. The flooding of cold and  _ calm _ soothed his destroyed nerves, and reinforced his breaking ability to think. The slime still trying to slide it’s way into his brain was quickly being washed away, and turned to mush. Still, with both the cold and the slime warring against each other, he found the strength to actually open his eyes and  _ see _ .

There was a man laying next to him face down on the floor, seeming to have just managed to reach out and put the man’s hand on his chest, before passing out. His brow scrunched in restless confusion as he tried to place who the familiar man was.

A small prick at the back of his subconscious made him unintentionally turn his attention inward, and ignoring the still raging wrestle between the two  _ things _ , he followed the prick as it led to a seemingly bright  _ portal _ . Which just  _ what? _

Still, he was drawn in, and it felt as if he was rushing through water at the speed of light, before he found himself in a murky black area. A doppelganger of the man on the floor was standing there, facing away. A clarity seemed to spread through his mind as he stared longer at the stranger, until with a final pained gasp, he fell to his knees and  _ remembered _ .

His name was Clint. The man’s name was Loki.

_ What the hell just happened? _

His thoughts seemed to echo in the empty space, despite the fact that his mouth had remained firmly closed. His panicked breathing slowed as his eyes darted around the strange environment he found himself in. If he’d had to explain it, it was …  _ nothingness _ . There was a sense of  _ light _ wherever he looked, but it stubbornly remained an inky black, even as his eyes allowed him to see whatever he focused on. And at the moment, the  _ only _ thing to focus on was Loki. Still standing tall with his head bowed, and hands clasped firmly behind his back.

His brain stalled,  _ Loki? _

Loki started and whirled around to stare with widened eyes, at Clint who was struggling to get off the non-existent floor. He hissed, why did he feel so  _ sore? _

_ Clint? What are you  _ **_doing_ ** _ here!  _ Loki swore and moved hesitantly to help Clint up. As they clasped forearms, Clint replied,

_ How the hell should I know? I don’t even know where  _ **_here_ ** _ is! _

Loki shook his head and immediately distanced himself from the other man as soon as he was able to stand on his own. His eyes darted away to stare once again into the dark. Clint’s eyes followed his gaze, but there was still absolutely  _ nothing _ there. He shivered. He’d only been here a minute, and he already hated it.

_ Thanos assumed direct control. _ Clint gaped at Loki. Loki’s amused glance soon turned stony.  _ We have been forced from our own minds, and we now reside in the mind stone. In other words, we have been  _ **_taken_ ** _ by the scepter. It detracted an imprint of our personalities, copying everything we are, before stripping our connection to our bodies. I … was unaware that you would appear  _ **_here_ ** _ specifically. _

There was complete silence as Clint reeled in shock from the revelation. It had been bad enough to be put under control, to have the constant pain in his head, to feel defiled and turned inside out, but it was entirely another to be  _ forced _ out of  _ his own body _ , and stuck in this living hell! He was sure that a few days in here would make him go insane! Literally bat-shit! Nevermind an entire week or more!

He glared at Loki for a moment before darting his eyes away. It wasn’t Loki’s fault, no matter how much his internal voices said it was. Rationally, he was not to blame, and that was what Clint needed to be.  _ Rational _ . He could do that. He could be rational. Rational, rational, rational.

Yeah, no. Not happening. He was stuck in literal  _ limbo _ , with a “god”, and his own messed up mind while Thanos was strutting around in their bodies, trying to take over the world! He was allowed to be irrational. Still … maybe don’t upset the only company you have in this horror.

_ Is there a way to get out? _ His eyes darted to Loki’s tense face.

_ No. Not that I know of.  _ And wasn’t that just super fucking great?

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki closed his eyes.  _ This _ was so much worse than he had imagined. He’d been expecting something to happen from the beginning, it was obvious that Thanos had been aware of the growing friendship between him and Clint, even if he was unable to see the bond, and had finally decided to take action.

He knew he should be infuriated that he had been put here, but he was so  _ tired _ . His rebellion had been burned out of him long ago, leaving only a bone-deep weariness. He  _ was _ sorry that Clint had been punished too. Loki had been here before, but this would be new to Clint. The first time is always the worst.

The black around them was pure deception, a deception which Loki, being the God of Lies and Deception, had easily been able to see through. But he knew that he didn’t want to look too far. If you did, you would be in your own personal hell.

He could see Clint hyperventilating at the edges of his peripherals, and he slowly placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. The other man’s frantic eyes fixed on his own, and he resisted the urge to flinch. He’d failed him. He  _ didn’t _ know a way out. He’d allowed Clint to get close, and  _ this _ was the result.

Stupid pathetic weakling that he was.

For a while, they both simply sat there in silence, one wallowing in guilt, and the other desperate to not believe the fact that they could very well be in there forever.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


It  _ wasn’t _ true, it  _ couldn’t  _ be true!

What about Laura? What about his kids? Oh God, he’d promised Cooper and Lila to take them Ice Skating when he got back home. How could he do that if he’s stuck in this horrid, dark, poison of a place?!

The hand on his shoulder felt heavy, but it served to only increase his ire.  _ Loki _ didn’t care. He had nothing left to lose! He hated his home, his family, and himself, and he’d been broken beyond belief!  _ He couldn’t understand! _ Stupid, selfish bastard!

Huffing, Clint angrily shook off Loki’s hand, and resolutely ignored the god’s crestfallen face as he stood and began to march stormily off into the darkness.

_ Clint! _

He ignored him. If  _ he _ couldn’t be bothered to search for a way out, then Clint would just have to do it himself! He  _ knew _ that if he just kept going he could find a way out. There was  _ always _ a way out.

_ Clint, no! Stop! _

Stupid Loki.

_ CLINT! DON’T! STOP WALKING! _

What did he know? Clint could easily find his way out. Let Loki just stew in here, rotting, while he awaited the summons of his  _ master _ .

_ NO! _

A hand roughly grabbed his elbow, before Clint took one more step, and then their worlds exploded with a brilliant and bright blue light.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


He awoke with a groan. His head hurt like a herd of bilgesnipes had run over it three times. His form suddenly stiffened.  _ He remembered this feeling. _

Casting his eyes around quickly, he took in the various colors all around him, shifting and changing, as vague sounds could be heard drifting through the empty space. A quiet grunt drew his attention to the rising Clint, who hissed as he gripped his head in agony.

Loki snorted. Serves him right. What did the idiot think he was doing?

Using one hand he lifted himself off the intangible gel-like substance that they were laying on and moved over to the other man, hurrying even as shapes could begin to be seen in the colors around them.

He cuffed Clint on the head.  _ WHAT IN HEL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?! _

Clint winced. Loki snorted and then kept a hand on Clint’s arm as he looked around and waited. There was nothing for it now. They would simply have to go through with it.

_ What’s gonna happen now? _ A trace of regret and apology could be heard in Clint’s voice.

Loki simply sighed.  _ Our worst nightmares. _

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


That doesn’t sound ominous  _ at all _ . Seriously, I’m just gonna go to my room and get two bucks for the ice cream truck rolling around the corner. 

Screw this shit man.  _ Why did his brain feel all slimy again? _

He closed his eyes to rub them, but they immediately opened when he heard Loki’s sharp intake of breath. His eyebrows rose as he blinked. Standing in front of him was Natasha and his wife and kids.

He heard Loki sigh.  _ It has begun. _

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Clint’s eyes widened as he took in the scene in front of him. A realistic doppelganger of himself stood smirking cruelly at the four people in front of them. Natasha, bound and glaring up in hate at the other him. Laura, weak, beaten and bruised staring up at the other Clint with watery eyes. Cooper, looking terrified, but determined to protect the shivering little beaten form in his arms.

No … no… NO!

Other Clint leaned down towards his family, vibrant blue eyes pulsing steadily. He smiled slowly, “It will be such fun killing you all. Say goodbye little worms.”

A heartbreaking little sob came from the figure in Cooper’s arms, “Daddy! No!” Clint sobbed as he caught sight of her ruined and swollen face, and he finally saw the purple bruising all over Cooper’s face.

No .. no! Stop!

“I’m not your Daddy.” Other Clint coldly said as he drew out his pistol and aimed it at Natasha’s face. Her eyes eerily moved to lock eyes with the real Clint’s eyes, a hint of steel in her gaze.

“Way to go, Barton.”

A shot rang out and Real Clint dropped to his knees. No. It. Tasha?

He didn’t even realize that tears were streaming down his face as he stared in horrified surprise at the body with a mane of bright red hair laying at his feet. Loki, his own eyes tearing at his friend’s pain, kneeled to place a careful arm across his shoulders. Clint remained oblivious in his shock and heartache.

Other Clint grinned in pure delight as the blue in his eyes flared, and he turned to see Laura, still laying on the ground too weak to move. “And you.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “He loved you, you know. Too bad it wasn’t enough.”

Laura’s eyes moved to see a heartbroken Clint. Her voice sounded like it could fade away at the smallest push, “Why did you do it, Clint? Why?”

He vigorously shook his head, even as the rest of his body locked in place. “No, no. Laura. LAURA!”

Another shot. A shriek split the air, as Clint struggled against Loki’s hold. Loki held fast. He knew. If you chased after the illusion, far worse things would happen. Clint socked Loki in the jaw but he refused to let go.

_ Let me go, you BASTARD! My KIDS! I HAVE TO GET TO MY KIDS! _

Loki snarled,  _ Clinton Francis Barton! THIS IS AN ILLUSION! It’s designed to get into your mind and your heart and break you! If you go to it, you will be greeted with pain unimaginable! At least this way … it will be over soon. _

Clint continued to struggle blindly as Other Clint his way to Cooper. “You love your Daddy, don’t you boy?”

Cooper glared at Real Clint. “Not anymore. This is all his fault! He’s not my Dad anymore!”

Clint abruptly stilled as ice froze his heart. He couldn’t … he couldn’t …

A gut wrenching sob had him unconsciously leaning into Loki, who tightened his grip and tried to reassure him again.  _ It’s not real Clint. Your real son loves you, still waits for you at home with his mother and sister, all three unharmed. Do not let their words get to you. DO NOT … or you will go insane. Do not listen. You would never do any of these things. I know you, you’re a good man. You are not a monster. _

Not like me, was the unspoken thought.

Another shot rang, and Clint just felt … empty. Lost. Confused. Torn. Heartbroken. He hadn’t known. He hadn’t known that walking off would trigger this. Loki had. He’d tried to warn him, but all Clint had been able to think about was getting back to them. Getting back to Natasha … Laura … Cooper … Lila. OH GOD! Lila! His princess, his angel!

Her sobs rang in the silence, and she quickly tried to run to Real Clint, before being knocked to the ground by Other Clint. Clint wanted so badly to get up, run to her, protect her, but Loki’s warnings echoed in his mind. He would never be able to handle  _ more _ than this. So he watched his little girl’s eyes looking pleadingly into his own.

“Please, Daddy! I’m sorry, Daddy! PLEASE!”

A shot sounded, and Clint’s heart shattered.

His baby girl. His beautiful wonderful baby girl.

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry.” His head bowed as sobs tore their way through his body.

Loki gripped Clint and rested his chin on Clint’s head. The Other Clint disappeared with a deeply pleased grin, and the whole scene returned again to the shifting colors. Loki shivered.

His turn was coming.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


_ Clint. Clint! _

An incessant voice could be heard at the edges of his consciousness, but Clint  _ just _ didn’t care. All of them. All of them. Him. He … he did it. It was … all … his fault. All his fault. Natasha, she blamed him. He wasn’t  _ there _ for Laura, the love of his life! That  _ thing _ it…

He deflated. That  _ thing _ was him. Him as he could be. Especially while Thanos had control of his body. Cooper … his little superhero … had disowned him. That had  _ hurt _ . Because IT WAS! It was all his fault! And oh his sweet Lila, his little archer princess who confided so happily in him when he was last home that she wanted to be a archer unicorn. He hadn’t the heart to tell her it was impossible, so they had spent the day drawing Unicorns with bows and arrows shooting bad guys. He’d broken six crayons, and she’d given him a kiss on the cheek. “ _ It’s okay Daddy! You can buy more!”  _

When he’d told Tasha about it, it got a rare laugh from her. They’d clinked their cans of beer and toasted to imaginary archer unicorns. It had been one of the best days in years.

_ Clint! _

NO! He wanted … he wanted to be here. With … memories. Happy memories to drown out the horror of what he’d just witnessed.

_ Clint, you good for nothing fool! They’re not dead, you idiot! But you will be if you don’t snap out of it! Don’t let it take your mind, Hawk! _

They … they weren’t! He’d seen them … seen.

His senses cleared in a second when he remembered Loki’s words. It was trying to break him. It wasn’t real. His family … his family was still out there. Waiting for him to come home.

He would not disappoint.

He turned and met Loki’s worried yet annoyed gaze with a mind clearer than he’d had in what felt like weeks. Loki’s relief shone through the minute slump of his shoulders, before all signs were carefully smothered.

Yeah. He was totally getting out of here. He was Hawkeye, and he had a freaking alien god on his side.

“ _ I’’m coming home, guys. I’m coming home.” _

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Clint looked up again at Loki as he unsteadily got to his feet. The god appeared as frazzled as Clint had ever seen him, gaze anxious and assessing at their surroundings. As soon as Clint got up, Loki’s piercing gaze immediately locked on to him, looking him straight in the eyes for a minute.

Well, that’s creepy.

Eventually Loki, sighed and gripped Clint by the shoulders.

_ Are you alright? _

Just yesterday he would’ve laughed off the question. The idea of  _ Loki _ asking  _ Clint _ if he was okay was simply ludicrous. Aside from the usual, y’know, mind-control problems, Clint had always been a fairly content guy, never really bothered by anything unless it was world-changing. Loki, on the other hand, had from the very first moment they’d met, looked broken, lost, and confused. But now … at this moment, he was so damn happy that he had  _ someone _ there. Even someone with as much messed up baggage as Loki, caring enough at the moment to actually  _ ask _ if he was okay was like a balm. Regardless of the fact that Clint was the very farthest thing from  _ okay _ . He was wretched. He had just watched all his greatest fears come true, and he hadn’t been able to do a  _ single fucking thing _ .

He hated this stupid scepter with a furiously burning passion.

How to answer Loki, though? Honesty or lies?

Well, that’s the real question is it?

To face up to one’s pains and horrors? Or to bury them and try to make them disappear? A terrifying choice whichever one you choose.

_ No.  _ He took a deep breath, and showed a rueful smile,  _ But I’m okay to go on. _

Loki raised a skeptical eyebrow as a condescending smirk showed.

_ Are you, Clint? Are you really? _

He stared with a steadily growing dread.

_ Why? What comes next? _

Loki’s gaze drifted, before returning to Clint, with a sharp and maniac twinkle in his eyes.

_ My fears, Clint.  _ **_You_ ** _ are about to see my fears. _

The colors around them began to shift, and Clint swallowed.

Not. Good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki's turn! My sadism knows no bounds. :(

He detested this place. He’d been here so many times, each visit chipping away a little more of him, until there was nothing else to take. When he’d first come and seen the nothingness, he’d had a few moments of desperate hope that if he just  _ stayed _ , he wouldn’t have to do it. He wouldn’t have to  _ see _ anything. Maybe if he was good, he would be  _ allowed _ to just wither in boredom. A generous and beautiful fate compared to seeing the things he had seen. The fears which he’d seen come true.

The first time, he’d been too enthusiastic. Too strong, too rebellious. That attitude had been fixed immediately. The second time, he’d temporarily lost his mind and sense of self and had wandered, exhausted, throughout the area, trying to find an end, trying to escape the images that kept chasing him. He’d only been brought back through Thanos’s will. He’d still had some potential use after all. The third …. Well, he really didn’t want to think about that.

So he’d  _ wished _ that this time he would be simply left alone. To wallow, to wither,  _ anything. _

And then Clint had showed up. Disoriented, confused and desperate. A haunting copy of what Loki had been. He’d tried to use a little bit of his magic while still in his body to keep him from coming, but of course he’d forgotten that his magic was broken, and would no longer function properly when Loki asked something from it. And Loki’s heart had cracked when he’d remembered that fact after entering the nothingness.

He’d wanted to wait. Wait until Clint was a bit more rational before he explained more about their surroundings, but the  _ moron _ had decided to simply take matters into his own hands. And  _ why _ did that have to remind him of Thor? The worst thing he could possibly think of at the time. Still, he’d already been  _ shown _ his fears about Thor, so maybe … just maybe, it would spare him  _ that _ this time. But only fools have hope.

As the colors shifted and shapes began to form, Loki swore in all the languages he knew. It was something new this time. Something terrifyingly new. His heart began to beat faster, and he could practically feel his mind racing in an automatic subconscious gesture to find a way to  _ run.  _ He unclenched his fists from where they hung rigidly at his side.

The first time he had bravely declared to himself that he was Loki, God of Lies, Mischief, and Chaos, and he would not be brought down by any illusion. Now. Now it was all he could do to not tremble in fear and break down where he stood. For he  _ was _ Loki, but he was just as vulnerable as anyone else. A lesson it had taken him an embarrassingly long time to learn. Because he was  _ just _ Loki. Just Loki.

The colors finally settled, and Loki risked a quick glance at Clint beside him, whose hands were twitching as if wishing for a weapon. The other man’s gaze was firmly set on the figure before them, eyes hiding his own turmoil and pain so expertly that Loki would have commended him if the situation were any different. Clint would have no idea what to do if Loki once again lost his mind. He would be left alone and horribly confused, and perhaps even attacked by Loki himself.

He closed his eyes briefly. What did it matter? Loki was already lost, being saved from that knowledge through insanity might be the only boon allowed to him. Clint would, most likely allow him to fall. It was what he deserved, and no matter what the man had said before they had been brought here, Clint would  _ never _ risk everything to save him. And he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t, and Loki knew this.

But a treacherous part of him still believed, still hoped like a fool, that Clint would stay by him.

But really? How could  _ Loki _ ever expect that from anyone? For he did not deserve anyone’s loyalty, let alone the loyalty of someone who he had wronged so dreadfully. No. No,  _ this _ was what Loki deserved.

Let it come then.

Let it come.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


He opened his eyes and stared straight at the figure that tilted it’s head at him with a Cheshire Cat grin. It’s skin practically glowed a Jotun blue, and it’s eyes, it’s eyes were a demonic red glinting ferociously in madness. Black hair slick against it’s head, and a triumphant lift of it’s chin.

Damn them all. Damn the Norns. Why did it have to be this?

The Other Loki chuckled and began to circle the two men softly and with a deep hunger reflecting out of its eyes. Loki’s head bowed. It was new. He had no idea how to react, he couldn’t  _ predict it _ so he was  _ helpless _ . Unprepared.

A deep and raw chuckle echoed in the sound around them.

“So  _ you _ are the one I used to be?” Other Loki looked him up and down in disdain as he began to clear the edge of Loki’s peripheral vision. “ _ Pathetic.  _ Still denying yourself, are you? Still denying  _ me _ ?” He placed a hand on his chest in mock hurt before grinning again, “ _ You know who you are _ . Or do you?” Loki felt the other’s breath on the back of his neck, “Maybe … maybe I should  _ show you _ .” He cackled. “Oh, yes. That will be delightful. Shall we?”

Loki’s jaw clenched, but he refused to show emotion on his face. He could see Clint staring at him even as he kept an eye on the Other Loki. Thoughtful and wary. Good. Good. Be wary of him, that way Clint will stay safe.

A scene began to play out in front of his eyes, and he could feel the cold from Other Loki’s hand against his elbow. He gasped in shock and pain when he saw it all. It was Asgard. Asgard coated in a thick layer of ice. Men, women and children frozen in the streets, all trying to run for the safety of the palace. As the scene began to move through the city on it’s own, he saw  _ so many _ people destroyed, all having an imprint of his magic. As they neared the palace, he saw Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three, all with their weapons out and with snarls of rage on their face. It kept going. Odin, sitting on his throne, so disappointed, so weary, and so frozen.

A hissing voice spoke in his ear, “Well, I must go now. I  _ do _ have a marvelous part to play, after all.”

Loki wanted to glare. He really did. But his breath had been stolen from him at the next scene.

It was his mother. Alive, whole, and weeping at the monster in front of her.

_ No _ . He’d avoided this! He had never seen his mother before! He’d kept her so locked away, so hidden that he’d hoped he’d never have to see her here! His wonderful loving mother, who his copy was grinning at with pure malice and hate.

Clint gazed at him in pure sympathy, and laid a hand on his arm.

No, he didn’t deserve that! This … this was all so possible. So possible that it hurt. His facade of calm cracked, and other Loki smirked at him. He was so pathetically vulnerable. It had only taken minutes for him to start shattering. So pathetic.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


“ _ Have I made you proud,  _ Mother?” His doppelganger stood challengingly before Frigga, who was leaning in exhaustion against the wall. “Have I fulfilled your expectations?”

“Oh, Loki. My darling son.” A tear slid down her cheek, “Where did I go wrong?”

_ No! _ Loki wanted to cry out,  _ No it could  _ **_never_ ** _ be your fault, Mother! _

Other Loki sneered, “I am  _ not _ your son. Delusional witch.”

Real Loki simmered in rage. Frigga sighed.

“Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself. You  _ are _ my son Loki. Even if you have destroyed Asgard, Midgard, and all the rest of the nine realms.  _ You will always be my son. _ And I will always love you with all my heart.” She stepped stumbling forward to lay a hand on Other Loki’s cheek.

He raged. Real Loki cried. He tried to tell himself that it _wasn’t_ _real_ , but every part of him insisted that it was. It wasn’t real, he _had_ to believe that. Clint gripped his arm tighter.

“Foolish woman! Do you not see?  _ This _ is what I am! A Frost Giant, a monster! The God of Chaos! Is it not beautiful? The destruction I have caused? Do you not see the fulfillment of my potential? I have  _ finally _ thrown off the poisonous influence from your miserable family, and  _ I am Free. _ ”

Frigga shook her head with a serious frown, “No, Loki. You simply traded one set of chains for another.  _ I’m so sorry, _ my son. I’m sorry that I was not a better Mother for you, that I couldn’t help you and protect you as I should have.” A tear fell down her cheek.

Real Loki tried to get closer to her, to stop this. Even against his better judgement, he  _ needed his mother _ . She  _ couldn’t _ leave! He couldn’t, he couldn’t see what would happen to her! Clint’s firm grip on his arm stopped him, and he growled with a scathing glare at the archer.

Clint shook his head slowly.  _ No, Loki. You know you can’t. _

Loki tried to shake off the despair and helplessness that seemed to set on his shoulders and he turned back desperately at the scene in front of them.

Other Loki snarled at a calm Frigga. “Perhaps being simply frozen is not a good enough fate for you?”

The tears streaming down Real Loki’s cheeks froze to ice as he glimpsed the long dagger held behind the other’s back. No.  _ No _ .

Frigga smiled softly at Real Loki, as the other Loki plunged the dagger into her stomach.

“Hush, baby boy. Don’t cry.”

Loki screamed.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


He didn’t feel Clint’s arm around him. He didn’t feel the Other Loki running his hands constantly down his face, and whispering poisonous reassurances in his ear. He didn’t hear Clint try to make the other go away. He couldn’t see anything except the still present form of his mother. Still smiling softly, even in death, so still and so peaceful. A wonderful, beautiful, loving woman who had been killed without remorse by  _ himself _ .

It was all so heartbreakingly possible. He knew his own power. He knew that if he did find a way to restore his magic, he would be powerful enough to accomplish this. It had always been a known fact by his parents that he was this capable of mass destruction. He didn’t blame Odin really. He just wished it had all been different.

But his mother. She’d always loved him. Stood by him, taught him, smiled at him, dried his tears, and sung him lullabies so he could stave off the nightmares. He’d never felt like a disappointment when she was around, and he’d treasured it so.

Vaguely he registered the colors and shapes beginning to shift again, but he continued to simply stare solemnly at his mother’s form even as it disappeared. It had been a fact of his life. He was a monster. This only proved it without a doubt. And what … what does a monster deserve?

His eyes trickled down to the dagger still stained with his mother’s blood, and waiting oh so patiently for him to touch. To hold it, cradle it, as he plunged it into his own heart. Clint was arguing with Other Loki to his right, still keeping a hand on his back. He should. He should do it. Give himself the just end he deserves. Prevent this madness from coming about.

His arm lifted before he even realized what he was doing and grabbed the dagger, and his hand  _ clung _ to it, as if it was a lifeline. Other Loki’s gaze immediately locked on him. He cackled.

“Oh you  _ poor pathetic being _ ! Did you not see the glorious chaos you could cause! To seek to end yourself.” He shook his head as Clint’s eyes immediately snapped to Real Loki and the dagger in his hand, “To end yourself in such a way…” Clint tried to move closer and drag the dagger away but Loki kept a firm grip, “Really.  _ What would Odin say? _ ” Other Loki moved closer, “You were very foolish, Little Godling.  _ Do you not remember? _ ” He snickered as he trailed a finger down Real Loki’s cheek, who was watching him with weary eyes. “Don’t you remember the  _ consequences of touching?” _

Both Clint and Loki froze in place, both still holding the dagger.

Other Loki grinned and then moved back to blend in again with the wildly shifting colors. A whispered promise still haunting the silent men.

“Oh … oh it is only just beginning, Little Godling.”

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Clint shivered at Other Loki’s words. Turning back to Loki, he debated with himself, unsure whether to be sympathetic or angry at the man in front of him. Loki’s eyes were glazed, and he still clutched the dagger no matter how hard Clint struggled to try to pry it out of his grip. If Clint ever needed more proof that Loki had super strength, well, here it was.

He sighed, and looked unseeingly at the color mesh around them. It hadn’t been … as intense as Clint had been expecting. He’d expected something … something less unsettlingly  _ human _ of a thing to fear. Well,  _ somewhat _ human. Most humans don’t fear turning their whole world into ice and killing their mother, or if they do then it’s written off as a silly nightmare and forgotten the next morning.

Still, Clint had seen more than just the bare surface of the scene.  _ Loki feared himself _ . Loki  _ hated _ himself, and Clint couldn’t understand  _ why _ . Sure, he’d gone on a rampaging temper tantrum on Asgard, but the mess on Earth … that wasn’t his fault. So,  _ why? _ Glancing at Loki’s blank face, Clint grumbled in frustration. He held out his hand for Loki to see.

“Come on, man. Get up.”

Still facing away, Loki snarled. Clint grunted, but didn’t give up. “Get  _ up _ , Loki. Don’t you want to face this head on? What? You wanna take the easy way out, huh? Drive that dagger in, take some blessed relief? Where does that get you?  _ Dead, _ that’s where. So get up.”

Loki’s gaze was furious as it turned to burn at Clint, “ _ NO! _ Don’t you understand, you foolish mortal? I am not worthy to live! I am a monster, and I am beyond help! I am nothing and no one!  _ This should be clear to you by now. _ ”

Well, now that just wouldn’t do.

Clint kneeled down to Loki’s level and stared at him solemnly.

“Sure.”

Loki’s venomous gaze quickly turned surprised. “ _ What? _ ”

Clint shrugged, “Sure. If you truly believe that, I’ll let you plunge that dagger in.” He shook his head, “But you don’t Loki. You haven’t done it yet, you won’t do it now. Sure, you may be a Frost Giant yada yada, but if you ask me I think Asgardians are just racist assholes who’d be better off jerking themselves off in that frozen wasteland listening to Taylor Swift. Listen, I know you’ve got problems. I know you doubt yourself. But it doesn’t matter if you don’t  _ belong _ to anybody, dude. You’re Loki! But most importantly, you’re  _ you _ , and you're free to just be you. If it really makes you feel better to have a family connection ... “ Clint licked his lips and glanced away for a moment, before his fervent gaze locked back onto Loki, who was watching him intensely with a slight frown, “You can be  _ my _ brother. Yeah?” Clint wrung his hands a bit, as Loki gaped at him.

Loki’s brows scrunched, “Are you feeling alright, Clint?”

Said man rolled his eyes. “ _ Yes Loki _ , I’m feeling fine. I’m serious too.” He smirked for a second before again becoming serious, “Loki, will you be my brother?”

There was such a long beat of silence and such an intense and wary scrutiny from Loki that Clint was beginning to get nervous.

“ _ Why? _ Why would you offer such a thing?”

Clint fidgeted, “Because … you’re a good guy, Loki. Even if it doesn’t seem like it to you, I can tell that you are. You’re … you’re someone I want to get to know better, y’know? Besides, I never really  _ had _ the connection I wanted with Barney, and with Tasha it isn’t the same thing.” Clint winced as the scenes of his nightmare replayed in his head when he said her name, “Look man. I’m no good with words, okay? I really do want you to be … well, to be like my brother. I was hoping you’d like it too.”

Loki sighed after another minute of intense scrutiny, “If you truly mean it, Clinton Barton, then yes. I would be honored to be your … brother.”

Clint beamed.

“Good. I couldn’t help Barney, but I can damn well help you. Now get up. We got incoming.”

He saw Loki shake his head in bewilderment as he pulled him to his feet.

“You're such a strange mortal, Hawk.” Bemused didn’t even seem to describe Loki’s tone.

Clint smirked, as his hand reflexively itched for his bow, “Comes with the job description, man. Comes with the job description.”

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki stared at the dagger in his hand as several forms materialized around them. It wouldn’t do any damage, he knew. It was only an illusion, an excellent illusion, but still. It was of no use, but the longer he stared at it the longer he didn’t have to  _ think _ about anything. For that was what he wanted, to simply  _ not think _ . Unfortunately, it seemed as if the Norns hated him, for Clint immediately leaned into his side when the man caught sight of the forms that Loki still hadn’t raised his eyes to see.

Loki was convinced that Clint was insane.  _ Why _ would  _ anyone _ want  _ Loki _ for a brother? Why would someone even offer? Yet, Clint had, and Loki had sensed no lies from him. He’d felt the raw pleading coming from Clint’s soul through the bond. He knew Clint hadn’t figured out yet that it was a two way connection, and that he had the ability to read Loki as well, but until he did figure it out, Loki would utilize the advantage. Especially now. Somehow, Clint had meant what he said, which left only one possible conclusion.

Clint was delusional. Deceiving himself about Loki’s true nature.

Loki would just have to find some way to  _ prove _ to Clint that he was a monster. Although, maybe he will wait until  _ after _ someone has broken him free from the mind control. That way, Clint will have no excuse.

Several heartbreaking familiar voices intoned at the same time.

“Loki.”

His gaze lifted and his heart sank when he recognized his family standing before him.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


_ Not this. Please, not this. _

Clint heard Loki’s desperate thought somehow, and closed his eyes briefly. This was bound to be painful. The least he could do for him, was to stay by him. Who knows? Maybe there will be even something he can refute.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Odin, Frigga, and Thor all stood in front of Loki, hands clasped together each in their own unique way. Each gazing at him with scorn, disgust, and derision. Loki’s hands dropped the dagger, and it disintegrated into their surroundings. His face frozen in shock and despair.

No, he’d already done this the third time. Why now? Why  _ again _ ? Or … would it be different somehow?

“Loki Laufeyson.” Odin’s voice rang out, “As a traitor to Asgard, and a Frost Giant imposter, you have been severed from our family. Henceforth, you shall be known as Vanæret, for you have disgraced us all with your actions. Thor.”

The snarling form of his brother gleefully held up Mjolnir and pointed it at him. “I cannot believe I ever called you my brother, you traitorous Jotun  _ wretch _ .” Thor swung the hammer and with a grunt of pain, Loki fell to the ground. Clint was by him in seconds, searching for any injury he could fix. Loki’s eyes seemed to flicker before he once again directed his attention to the hovering God of Thunder. “Shall we begin your punishment then, Vanæret?”

The next hour would be forever blocked from both Loki and Clint’s memories. The thud of the hammer, the look of glee and triumph on Thor’s face, the steady wounds that began to bleed heavily, Clint’s broken nose from when he tried to get the fake Thor to stop. The look of righteousness on Odin’s face as Loki’s leg broke. The look of peace and serenity on Frigga’s face as Loki coughed up blood. Thor’s snarl of rage when he once again hit Clint for trying to interfere. All of Clint’s ribs cracked, and he fell to his knees by Loki’s form.

For it was all real. The damage and the pain, it was all real to their minds and to their souls, and neither could stand to revisit that tear in their psyche. Only one thought was on their minds as they both stared in helplessness at each other’s eyes, for their faces looked a frightful mess.

_ Why? _

Finally, Thor withdrew, and Frigga stepped up. Loki’s eyes watered. It was … so  _ hard _ . So  _ painful _ . He couldn’t … he couldn’t  _ do it. _ Clint saw the look on Loki’s eyes, and with a short cry of pain from his damaged torso, he laid a reassuring hand on Loki’s chest. Offering the only support he was able to give as Frigga stepped forward and laid a hand on Loki’s forehead. Her face still a well of nonchalance and indifference, she hastily whispered words to a spell that had Loki crying out in desperation.

It was trying to take his magic.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Clint gazed in confusion as Loki resisted Frigga's touch. Was she causing him pain? He cursed his lack of knowledge, but really, what could he possibly do to help? Loki no longer knew he was there, and he’d already  _ tried _ to stop this torture. Still as he stared long and hard at Frigga’s form, he saw a faint flicker, and a small glimpse of a shriveled gray  _ thing _ wearing her skin.

His eyebrows scrunched, before they widened in glee.

That was it!

They were both in a literal mind-bending place, and these were  _ not _ their  _ real bodies _ . None of this pain was actually real. As Loki’s cries grew more frantic, Clint focused on convincing himself, despite the raging pain, that he was uninjured. There were no cracked ribs. No broken nose. He was not exhausted out of his mind. Then, all of the sudden the pain disappeared and his eyes flew open. Like a switch had been flipped, he was sudden  _ in tune _ with the area around them, and now instead of Loki’s family, he saw three gray looking things, the one with their hand on Loki’s forehead looking slightly different and his hand was … eight fingers?! Okay … so maybe it was just an  _ it _ . Now that he wasn’t under the … well he’ll call it the spell, he was able to materialize his bow in his hand, and with intense satisfaction, he pointed one of his arrows at the  _ thing _ . It looked up and screeched.

He risked a glance at Loki, and found him completely unconscious, so he simply went to work doing what an assassin does best. Killing.

He sent an arrow flying for the Frigga-thing, but it caught it and then dropped it before it began to rush away. The other two were trying to get close to him, but it was obvious they were just grunts, as he killed them swiftly with two arrows to the throat. Or … well, what could pass as throats.

He sent one last arrow after the Frigga-thing, but it simply disappeared before the arrow could reach it. He gaped in surprise at the slight difference in light he could see at the spot it disappeared. It was mildly darker, and looked horizontal rather than the vertical lights he had gotten used to seeing.

His eyes teared.

It was the exit.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki woke up slowly to the feeling of being dragged. His groggy senses recognized Clint’s touch, and his magic briefly flared to reach out to Clint’s soul. Loki’s eyes flew open.  _ Who? What? HOW? _ His magic was back!

His bleary memories cleared and he worked it out. By drawing out his magic, Moth-Frigga … ugh he was definitely not awake enough to even  _ think _ about  _ that _ . Still, by attempting to draw out his magic, it had destroyed the dampers! The process must have somehow been disrupted. He …  _ He had his magic back _ .

His attention finally turned outward, and he saw Clint staring at him grumpily.

_ You could have just y’know told me you were awake. _

Loki smiled,  _ Oh, no. I was having too much fun being carried. _

Clint chuckled before looking at him seriously,  _ How are you? _

He glanced away,  _ Destroyed, traumatized, tortured, but mostly happy. _

Clint’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. Loki snickered, and held up his hand to create a soft ball of green light. He grinned triumphantly at his … brother?  _ My magic is back. _

Clint smiled his first true smile since they’d arrived in this hell.  _ That’s good, bro. Really good. _ He took a deep breath and stood again,  _ Come on. I found the way out. _

Loki grunted as he got up. Apparently, his magic hadn’t fully healed him, but he was well enough to follow Clint who kept his …  _ bow  _ out.  _ When did he get his bow? _

_ Clint? What happened while I was out? _

Clint turned his head back briefly, and Loki watched his mouth open and close several times before he simply sighed,  _ I’ll tell you when we get out. _

Unsatisfied with that answer, Loki simply grit his teeth and continued.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


They were almost there! The exit was only a few feet away, and …

And.

Why did he feel fuzzy all of the sudden?

_ Clint. _ The trepidation in Loki’s tone was alarming enough that he whirled to face him. He saw Loki staring at him with wide eyes.

_ What? _

Loki pursed his lips,  _ Clint, you’re fading. _

His eyes bugged, and he looked down at his …  _ not _ body. Sure as shit, his form seemed to flicker and fade longer and longer with each second that passed.

He looked back up in alarm at Loki, but he needed to  _ tell him _ .

_ Go to the horizontal… _

That was all he got out, before with a slam he was wrenched out of the mind-scape and greeted with a very familiar woman with red hair.

“Tasha?”

She punched him out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again .... I'm so sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Clint this time. Very little Loki or Clint & Loki.

When he opened his eyes the world seemed to shine in a myriad of colors. For a moment he thought he was back in the mindscape, and the appearance of his favorite redhead only reinforced that view. He slowly sat up, ignoring the familiar sharp spikes of pain shooting through his head.

A glass was thrust into his face, “Here. Drink this.”

Well, this was a first. He hadn’t thought sustenance  _ existed _ here. As his mind cleared a bit, he shot up straight, accidentally bumping into the water.  _ Where was Loki? _ His sharp gaze darted around the room, searching for the tell-tale illusion,  _ willing _ it to break, but it held firm.

Oh, God.

He was back.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki stared at the spot where Clint had disappeared.

Hopelessness. Fury. Confusion. Despair.

He didn’t bother searching around him. He’d already seen the lights so many times, that they had nothing new to offer him. He … would continue to exist here. There was no other option.

What did it  _ mean _ , though?

He continued to stare.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Clint and Natasha locked eyes.

“Tasha?”

She smiled. That small quirk of her lips that was really the only true smile she ever offered. Oh God, how he’d missed that.  _ Please,  _ please don’t let her disappear. “Welcome back, Barton.”

_ Fuck _ this was really happening.

He slowly rose from the bed and stared at her with moist eyes.  _ Steel eyes meeting his. A mane of red hair, lying on the ground.  _ Her own gaze softened, and the next moment, Clint was hugging her as if his life depended on it. Neither moved from that position for a long time.

When Clint finally stopped the flow of his tears, he mumbled as he drew back, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Her eyebrow rose, “For what?”

His chuckle was raw, “Everything. Everything I  _ can _ be sorry for, Tasha.”

Natasha’s eyes were searching … searching for her friend. He … He didn’t know if he could give that to her. He wasn’t … worthy.  _ He hadn’t _ ...

_ Way to go, Barton _ .

Clint shook his head, and backed up a couple steps. She frowned slightly, the only sign of her concern that showed, but she allowed it to slide.

“Are you okay?” Her chin lifted a bit, and she crossed her arms. It was a loaded question. He knew she was asking … asking if he was ready, if he was recovered, if he was all there, if he was  _ her _ Barton. And he didn’t know how to answer.

He stayed silent, and they both stared at each other for a long while.

She smiled slightly, “I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes, Clint.”

_ A trail of blood seeping into the floor. _ “Maybe you should.”

She patted him on the shoulder, “ _ You _ didn’t.”

His lips pursed, and he glanced away. He became steadily more aware of the perspiration on his forehead, and he avoided her gaze as he went to wipe it off.

A knock sounded on the door, and they both turned around to stare at the intruder.

“We’re suiting up in ten.” The man stared at Clint before he looked questioningly at Natasha, “Is he good?”

Tasha immediately nodded and Clint was filled with a wave of fondness. Even if she had personal doubts, she would always have his back. The man nodded satisfied, and then left. When she turned back to him, he could  _ see _ the uncertainty behind her stoic gaze. He’d known her for too long for her to be able to hide it. He needed to reassure her, even if he didn’t feel it himself.

“I’m okay, Nat.”

“I hope you are, Barton.” Her gaze was slightly guarded, but her relief was palpable.

He hoped so too.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


He wearily rubbed his eyes. God why did all of  _ this _ have to happen to  _ him _ ?

He’d just been a kid. A normal (ish) kid who wanted to be an archer or a performer. Then he’d been found by an agent, shaped and sent out to make them proud. Make them  _ all _ proud. What the fuck had he done to make  _ anyone _ proud?

And why the fuck couldn’t Coulson have just waited for backup?

Damn it, dude.

_ Why? _

He still remembered the first time he’d ever met him. It had been his third performance as Hawkeye’s sidekick, a 12 year old partially deaf kid who could hit the bullseye in any situation. One who was bitter and angry from the loss of his brother. A viciously closed off dummy with nothing to show for himself, and the damn agent with a heart too big had taken him in. Given him support, taught him what he knew. Goddamn agent who was too fucking brave and kind for his own fucking good.

He could feel the Captain’s heavy stare from across the way, and the silence from the cockpit was deeply oppressive. God, he just … he just wanted things to be different. For life to not fucking suck so fucking bad. Now, he was on his way to fight a goddamn alien army, watch out for his teammates, help evacuate the city, all while trying to find some way to knock Thanos out of his newfound brother’s body and mind. What the hell could perform  _ cognitive recalibration _ on a fucking alien?  _ And apparently _ , Loki’s … Thor showed up while they were both running around in the mindscape.

And isn’t that just super ironic. Thor showed up apparently around the time when …  _ no _ he couldn’t do it. Not yet. Not yet. Someday … someday he will confront those memories, but not now. Not here and not like this. Clint inhaled slowly, and sat up straight. Completely ignoring the silent supersoldier, he stared out the small part of the front window he could see.

The spire of Stark Tower could be seen coming ever closer.

_ Well. How badly can he fuck this up? _

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


What had Clint said? Before he had faded?

He had surely been unconscious for so long, something had to have happened. Especially given Clint’s state. The last he remembered of the sometime hero/assassin had been when he was completely exhausted and could barely move for the pain of his broken ribs. What had Clint discovered that would change things so drastically?

_ What had he been saying? _

Loki cursed his brain’s inattentiveness at the time. Distracted so easily from the goal, from his surroundings. He was taught better, he should have been paying more attention. Horizon! Something about … the horizon? But no, he did not pronounce it as if that was what he was going to say. An unfinished word, perhaps?

Loki groaned and pulled at his hair.

For being so adept at weaving lies and creating chaos, Loki absolutely hated mysteries. It was fun watching others try to solve them, but he personally hated being presented with one. Just present him with something at face value, thank you very much.

He sighed, and wondered what was happening to Clint for the upteenth time.

He hated this place.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


These things were so fucking  _ ugly _ . They’d looked infinitely better in the mind-scape. Out here they just looked like molded, shriveled figs. Like … what the actual fuck, dude. He shot two grunts quickly before he looked over reflexively at the Tower. Loki was there.

Well, Loki’s body was there. And how fucking weird was that thought?

He gripped an arrow tightly and drove it into the eye socket of the Chitauri sneaking up behind him. The one to his right, he simply grabbed and threw over the edge of the building. They were like insects. Swarms of insects.

He tried to not think about the enormous lizard ship things coming through the portal.

A sharp stab of pain trickled through his skull and he cursed. Was this shit  _ never over? _ The phantom pain passed relatively quickly, and he continued in the fight. He didn’t have a large role really in the fighting. He shot the bad guys, answered questions and followed orders. He’d been doing it for years, why should it be any different now? Because an assassin is used to killing, none should ever attempt to pretend otherwise. It was a waste of precious time to try to tell oneself that you are in the right, and therefore you aren’t a murderer. Saying that the murderer is the one who does not agree with you, is therefore in the wrong, and automatically a murderer is just misunderstandings. Killing is killing, the rest is just semantics.

And right now, these little buggers were extremely easy to kill. So why not let off some steam? Besides, the more of these guys he killed the faster he could help Loki. Win win, right?

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


He didn’t know how, but he was on the ground again, staring at Thor steadily, while trying to look like he was inspecting his arrows. There was a lull in the fighting, and they could all use a break. The battle/invasion had started five hours ago, and they’d all been desperately trying to stay on top of everything. He heard Iron Man land to his left, and listened to the ensuing conversation, still keeping a wary eye on Thor.

“So? What’s the plan, compadres?”

Steve glared slightly at Stark, and Clint noted that there had to be some unresolved tension there.

“We need to get to the tower.”

_ No shit. _

Thor spoke up after a quick glance up at the skyscraper, “Yes, I have some unresolved business with Loki.”

_ Like hell you do. _ Clint’s glare gained heat, and Natasha stared at him. “Yeah? Get in line.”

_ Cause there is no way I’m letting you anywhere near him, motherfucker. _

_ Crack. Blood. Laughter. Loki’s pained whine. _

Clint grit his teeth and looked away from Thor’s sympathetic gaze.

Go walk off a cliff, dude. He really didn’t care.

_ Loki would _ .

He bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood at that unbidden thought, and ignored where his mind was taking him to tune back into the conversation. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a Chitauri rounding the corner, and before any of them could blink, an arrow sailed through the air and landed in the alien’s eye socket. They all, except for Nat, stared at him impressed.

He shrugged, “You were saying?”

Steve recovered first, “Right. Stark reported that Loki is up on the top level, the device is on the roof. Thor, you take Natasha up there and drop her off on the roof. You distract Loki so she has time to find a solution to close it down.”

The disbelieving expression on Stark’s face was priceless. “Really? Literal genius standing right here.”

It looked like it was physically painful for Rogers to not roll his eyes, “We need you in the air, while Thor is otherwise occupied. I’ll stay down here and combat the ground forces. Stark on your way up, give Barton a lift. Everyone alright with this?”

No. No he wasn’t alright with this, but there was jack shit he could say to change it. For  _ him _ to be the one to go to Loki instead of Thor, who’d do god knows what. He closed his eyes briefly.  _ He wasn’t there _ . There had to be something about Thor that Loki loved so desperately. He just had to bear with it. He’d get to Loki soon. Hell, maybe Thor can perform some proper cognitive recalibration.

They all nodded, and Stark grabbed Clint’s shirt.

“Clench up, Legolas.”

Fuck you, man.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


Loki didn’t want to see it.

There was death and destruction appearing all around him.

He grit his teeth.  _ It was only an illusion _ .

He sighed and sat down in the mindscape, realizing that he would never figure out the way out of here.

He stared at his boots in an effort to not see the torturing scene around him.

_ Only an illusion _ .

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


He tried to keep up with all the events, but from his remote fucking perch it was extremely hard to get any news on the situation with Loki. He kept shooting the chariots that raced through the sky, and watched Stark zip past. More often than not, he watched as a raging green beast decimated the Chitauri forces.

His nerves were wound so tight it felt as if they would snap at any moment, and he desperately tried to shove down the headache building in his skull. God, he was going to sleep for weeks after this. If there even  _ was _ an after. Enemies were still pouring in from the portal, and there had  _ still _ been no word on either Tasha or Thor’s status.

A grunt escaped him as he dodged the sneaky bastard coming up behind him. He turned to kill it, only to find himself faced with 10 of them. Well. Time to beat a hasty retreat then. He attached the line and smirked at them, before disappearing over the edge.

_ Ouch _ .

The glass from the window cut into his arms and hands, and he laid there for just a moment to recover his breath. A loud roar sounded from the streets, and Clint groaned. Right. Battle. Loki. Rest. Yeah, that’s a simple list. He could do that.

As he quickly made his way down through the building he caught gurgles from the comm piece in his ear.

“I….close….”

“....got … missile.”

“....trip.”

“...know.”

His brain whirled as it put together the blanks, and he ran to the nearest window, just catching a glimpse of a red and gold figure disappearing through the portal. He stares transfixed at the portal waiting for the sassy dude to come back.  _ Not another one. _ A burst of static filtered through his comm, and he heard Tasha’s voice.

“Come on, Stark.”

His heart dropped as he remembered the friendship that Natasha and Tony had developed the year before. Even though she thought he was a cocky son of a bitch, she still admired him and sympathized with him. He remembered the times when she would bring him up and after realizing she did, patiently enduring Clint’s teasing. Yeah, they’d gotten close. He stared harder at the portal willing Stark to fly back through.

“....close it.”

His heart sank at the Captain’s voice and the utter silence from Tasha’s end. Within a minute, though, the portal began to close. He exhaled and turned away to continue down the building. His comm piece emitted constant static as he made his way down. When he made it to the team’s position, which was actually really close, he was shocked to see Stark lying on the ground between them all, still alive and snarking. What the hell was shawarma?

“We are not done yet, Friend Stark.”

Clint glared at big blonde as they all turned to look at the Tower. Well. Here comes the fun part.

He should have kept a look out for a manual titled “How to convince 5 superheroes that the enemy they just spent the last month fighting is actually innocent.” He could really use one of those right now.

His thoughts continued to sour as they got closer to the tower.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


With a slam Loki was wrenched out of the mindscape, and greeted with immense pain and breathlessness. He tried to mentally log what was wrong with him, and he found major injuries all over his body. He desperately tried to take a breath, but then he closed his eyes against the pain. He was back.

He hated _ this _ place too.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**   


When they reached the room where Loki was, Clint stopped short at the sight that greeted him. Loki was lying in a deep crater, breathing shallowly. The others were about to move forward, but they all stopped at the animalistic snarl that emitted from Clint.

He immediately concluded Thor, and he rounded on him, “What the HELL did you do!?”

Thor glared thoughtfully at him, “I did not do this.”

The only other person who would be capable was the Hulk, but then again Thor could be lying. He shrugged him off and ignored the other’s protests as he ran over to Loki. Even if he was still under control, he was still going to risk it. Still, he doubted that  _ this _ had failed to give Loki some cognitive recalibration. Damn it, he was always using that phrase. It sounded great.

He laid his hand on Loki’s chest. “Loki?”

Bright green eyes slowly flickered open, and drifted to stare at him.

“Clint?”

He sighed relieved. Mind control Loki never called him Clint, “Yeah, man. It’s me. You all here?”

The pathetic figure snorted, “Pain and all, Clint. Pain and all.”

Clint grimaced, “Yeah. Anything transfer from … the other place?”

Loki tried to shake his head but winced at a twinge in his neck, “No.” His eyes watered, “I’m glad you’re here Clint.”

“Me too, bro. Me too.”

Loki’s eyes drifted closed again, and he drifted off into unconsciousness. Clint kept his hand on his chest and slowly turned to see all the Avengers with their weapons out … all pointed straight at him.

He raised his other hand placatingly, “I promise, I can explain.”

All the weapons remained in their current position.

“You better, Birdbrain.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't know what to say, but I really didn't like this chapter for some reason. I just was not happy with it, so it took me longer to write.Still, I hope ya'll enjoy it! :D

His mind raced as he tried to come up with a way to explain. Damn he wished it was someone else here instead of him. He glanced down at Loki’s unconscious face and sighed. Oh well, all for a good cause right?

He glanced at the stoic superheroes above him and sighed, “Can I at least sit down first?”

Stark and Natasha were the first to stand down slightly, Stark sighed and got out of his armor, “Sure! Go ahead. I really thought this day couldn’t get any stranger. Make yourselves at home.” He headed for the bar, but paused and turned back to the still huffing Hulk. 

“Uh. Hey, big guy. You wanna do the shrink thing now?”

Clint and Natasha simultaneously rolled their eyes, but Tony’s request seemed to work, and the next moment Banner was standing there, holding a hand to his head. Averting their eyes immediately, Tony tossed Bruce a blanket. He huddled underneath it immediately trying to blend in with the wall. All the Avengers filed past the two on the floor, but Natasha paused for a moment and stared into Clint’s eyes. Then she punched him, abruptly right between his damn eyes

“OW!” He rubbed the bruise forming on his forehead, “What the hell! Really, Tasha?”

She shrugged and rubbed her wrist, “Just had to make sure.”

He pouted as he watched them all take a seat, before he glanced at Loki with a sigh and then moved to sit on the lone chair left. Stark leaned back into his seat with a full glass of scotch in his hand, and rose his eyebrow impatiently. 

Well, here goes nothing.

“I’m just going to start with the basics. Loki’s innocent.” They stared judgmentally and he sighed, “Look, I’ll just start from the beginning, okay? Are we all listening? Give you his whole life story, but what you have to understand is Loki is not the enemy. There’s this titan, his name is Thanos, he orchestrated this whole attack. He was the one after the Tesseract.”

Thor shook his head, “No-no, this is impossible! Thanos was destroyed centuries ago, my fa-”

Clint cut him off with a cold smirk, “Well, your father isn’t exactly the most  _ truthful _ of people...” He glared when Thor simply crossed his arms stubbornly.

Natasha looked interested and leaned forward with her elbows on the table, eyes narrowed, “What do you mean?”

“Oh what, legally blonde didn’t tell you? Yeah, Odin is a lying mother fucker.” Clint’s eyes glinted dangerously.

Mjornir flew into Thor’s hand, responding to its master’s call, “HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF THE ALLFATHER THAT WAY!” Tony rolled his eyes and put his hands over his ears at the boom of Thor’s voice.

“Yeah? Well did you know he fucking  _ sewed _ your little brother’s lips shut once. Or how about the fact that he  _ lied _ to him his entire life about his heritage?” Clint’s glare intensified, and his arms rose wildly, “How about when he  _ admitted _ to Loki that the whole reason that he took him from his home planet was so that he could use him as a fucking  _ bargaining chip _ . He,  _ and _ you” His hands slammed on the coffe table and leaned into the frowning Thor’s space, “for that matter, didn’t search for Loki when he fell into  _ fucking space _ and was  _ tortured _ for EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS!” He didn’t realize he was screaming until he paused and saw the looks on everyone’s face.

Tony gulped down his drink and stared glumly at the empty glass, “You sure you haven’t just been given Loki’s version? He’s a liar, Barton.” He placed his glass on the coffee table and shot the other a steady stare.

Clint angrily pointed his finger, “Don’t. Just  _ don’t _ .” He pulled his hands towards his face in frustration and grabbed at his hair “Everyone seems to think he’s some sort of chronic liar. He’s a fucking  _ actor _ for fuck’s sake. He plays parts because he doesn’t want anyone to see who he really is. He weaves words and influences people with them, and so what? It’s no different from what  _ any _ of us have done. We’re all liars. To call him one is hypocritical.” He stared at Natasha and she glanced down to the floor not wanting to meet his eyes.

Clint took a deep breath after Tony nodded to acknowledge his words. Banner, who had been focused on blending in with the wall until now, lifted his hand a bit before he began to speak, “He still attacked New York. We can’t forget that.”

“Who destroyed Harlem?” Clint closed his eyes rubbing at the closed lids with balled fists, “Sorry, that was uncalled for. That … that  _ destruction _ out there … that wasn’t us. We haven’t inhabited our bodies for … weeks.” His voice sounded defeated, even he could hear it.

Nat’s lips pursed and her concern grew exponentially, “What do you mean?”

He swallowed. He didn’t want to talk about it. He really  _ really _ didn’t.  _ But. _ He looked at Loki’s practically still form. He’d offered to be Loki’s brother, and brothers weren’t allowed to just give up on each other. He couldn’t just let Loki exist on his own, find his own way through this murky muddled mess, he couldn’t take time for himself and go home to his family. He couldn’t just  _ leave  _ him, the way Thor left him, the way their  _ father  _ left him. Loki’s family abandoned him, he could never do that.

His hands rubbed together, “The scepter. It’s a … really powerful stone. I don’t really understand most of it, but I heard Loki call it the Mind Stone.” He ignored the startled gasp from Thor, “From what I can tell it was using Loki, or well Loki’s body, as a conduit to connect to the Tesseract. It’s a bunch of magic mambo jumbo that I haven’t learned, but … I know it’s real. I know it’s real cause I’ve felt it.” He paused, and bit his lip, warring with himself. He didn’t know  _ any _ of these people. He knew Nat, he’d heard of Stark, but the others? To have to share such sensitive information with them....

He mentally slapped himself, it was  _ necessary _ . It was  _ necessary… necessary. _

The word replayed over and over in his head like a broken record, grating on his nerves.

_ I’m sorry, Daddy! _

His sharp intake of breath wasn’t missed by anyone in the room.

“When the scepter took over my mind, it created a break in my psyche, or at least that’s what it felt like. There was the influenced being that was in control, and there was me. We were … merged, but we weren’t the same.” He began to pace anxiously, wringing his hands together, “It was a constant struggle for my mind to even remain functional. I … I was in constant pain every day, and there’s still these  _ phantom pains _ from the migraines I would get. Like a knife  _ stabbing _ and  _ twisting _ in my skull.” He huffed and abruptly walked to the window.  _ In. Out. In. Out _ . The faint noises from the others trickled in, and he sighed, still facing away from them.

“It was that way day in and day out, but there was also something else. It was a … connection with all the other controlled agents.” Clint unconsciously began to talk faster, “It was  _ everyone _ , and it was a bond like you could never imagine. We all felt as if we were one, as if we were a tightly bound  _ family _ that absolutely  _ nothing _ could break. Feelings, thoughts were all shared. But where there was only limited contact, the bond would just remain dormant.” He turned back and glanced between them all quickly, almost wildly. “But people who were in constant contact or in the vicinity of each other, they would form a tighter bond.”

Tony leaned forward and refilled his glass while staring at him incredulously, “Okay, okay, hold up. You’re saying that you developed  _ telepathy? _ ”

“With each other, and only slightly at that.”

Stark’s brow crunched, “I mean, it’s not the craziest thing…” He gives a grand shrug, eyes rolling towards Loki’s body.

“Really, Stark?” The Captain narrowed his eyes at the billionaire, “ _ Telepathy _ ? That doesn't sound slightly  _ off _ to you?” He pressed his lips together, and shifted uncomfortably.

“You’d be surprised, Capsicle. There was this guy I met a while back who...” He stopped and glared angrily at the floor “… nevermind.”

Thor drew everyone’s gazes from Tony as he interrupted with a frown, “I believe it is called a psychic link. They are credited as being extremely dangerous. Loki should not have been dabbling in them.”

Clint growled fiercely, startling everyone, and whirled to face him, “ _ YOU _ don’t get to speak.”

The Asgardian stood taller and drew Mjolnir slightly, “And why not? I am a prince of Asgard, I have  _ earned _ my right to speak.”

Natasha watched cautiously as Clint’s eyes grew icy, “ _ Not to me. _ ” He stepped closer, an endless scene playing behind his eyes, “When I get the image of you beating Loki to death out of my head,  _ then _ you will have earned the right to speak.” His teeth grit together as he practically spat the words out. 

“What?! You insolent mortal, I have done  _ no such thing _ !” Thunder crackled in the distance as Thor started to head towards Clint threateningly.

Everyone stiffened in their seat, but the Captain stepped forward, “Hey, hey, let’s cool it down, okay? Let’s just let him explain.” He dragged Thor back a little from where he was glaring into the archer’s face. 

Natasha bit her lip as she stood up and moved closer. Clint glanced at her out of the corner of his eye before he turned back to the window. He just …

He didn’t want to look at any of them.  _ He couldn’t. _ Those damn memories crept up on him again dragging him under and replaying over and over again.

_ Why, Clint? Why? _

Beaten and bruised. The smell of fresh blood.

_ HE’S NOT MY DADDY! _

A tortured cry, a hand on his arm.

_ My fears, Clint. You are about to see my fears. _

Colors everywhere, the shredding of his mind.

_ Jotun wretch! _

When would it end?

“Continue, Barton.” Rogers’ voice shocked him out of that awful place and he tried to bury his turmoil. Now wasn’t the time.  _ Now wasn’t the time _ .

In. Out. In. Out. 

“Loki was constantly sequestered away from us, but we could still always feel the intense pain that radiated off of him. He would receive  _ visits _ from the leader of the Chitauri, and …” His fist clenched tightly and then loosened, “Afterwards, when I’d go into his room, he’d look … shattered. Like he was in a million pieces and he had no idea how to put himself back together. He couldn’t eat, he never tended to his wounds, and he rarely spoke. The sessions got easier as time went on, but with it came the renewed strength of the controlled piece.” He took a long calming breath, they needed to know this, they had to know this, he had to tell them and protect Loki... 

“There were days where that was all that existed, and then all of the sudden he would slump against the wall panting, and look up at me...he was so  _ fucking _ broken.” He remembered the haunting void that seemed to live in Loki’s eyes back when they’d just been “boss” and “Hawk”. He  _ never _ wanted to see that again.

“I couldn’t stand it, so I invited him to spar a couple times. Those times his true self would regain some energy and life, and he’d teach me new ways to fight. After that, he started to come out more and more often, like he had finally found a reason for his soul to exist. Time passed, I started helping him after his  _ sessions _ , and we’d talk. He opened up to me sometimes when he was feeling vulnerable.”

Clint turned and smiled softly at them, “Then he apologized. He apologized for everything he’d ever done to me, even though it wasn’t his fault. He still felt responsible. Then I forgave him. Right after that, we both collapsed. The scepter, by Thanos’ command, it took our minds and …  _ tore _ them from our bodies. Do you...do you know what that’s like? Do you know what it’s like to be ..  _ unmade? _ ” Natasha put her hand on his shoulder at the raw pain in her friend’s eyes. “It was like tearing, ripping, and shredding in the very core of your being all at once. I forgot who I was for… I don’t even know how long, and in the brief moment of consciousness I had before my mind was taken out, I watched as Loki struggled through his own pain to lay his hand on my chest and try to save me from what he knew was coming, but he blacked out before he could.”

He sighed and sank against the nearest wall, “When I … woke up, I was in a place of … well, of nothingness.”

“Nothingness?” Stark had set down his drink a long time ago, and was staring intently at him. Clint shrugged, how was he supposed to describe the complete absence of  _ anything _ to someone who had never felt it. Who had never felt the gulf which opened in your soul the longer you stayed there?

“It’s the best way to describe it. I could go into a detailed description if you like,  _ or _ I could finish what I have to say and get over the fucking worst time of my life so far, yeah?” The others glanced at each other and then nodded back at him.

“Yeah. Anyway, I didn’t believe Loki when he told me that there wasn’t a way out, so I set off on my own. He could have just let me wander, let me suffer from my idiocy alone, but he came after me and subjected himself to the consequences.”

What should he say? What should he tell them? There was  _ no way _ he was telling them his deepest fears, or even Loki’s for that matter. How could he ever?

Clint rubbed his forehead, and wanted to sob. He just wanted this to be over. He wanted to be back home with Lila and the kids … and Loki. Loki should be there too, recovering and healing. Maybe they’d bring them some strawberry donuts. Make Cooper’s day. Loki can finally meet Clint’s family, and they could escape  _ all _ this shit.

Fuck, man, they really deserve a vacation.

A harsh pain shoots through his skull as his mind starts to wander, bringing him back to the present. He huffs in frustration, and feels a little bit of dread creep up on him.  _ Maybe it isn’t just phantom pains. _

Rogers leaned against the back of Stark’s chair, and ignored the billionaire’s irritated gaze, “What consequences?”

He clenched his fist, “We watched our worst nightmares in graphic detail. Our greatest fears played out before our eyes. With a little bit of physical torture thrown in. He tried to kill himself, I had to stop him.” He shrugged, “And that’s all I’m willing to tell. It’s something I never want to revisit, but something that I’ll have to one day.”

A heavy silence fell over them, but Thor wasn’t willing to give in that easily. “Earlier ... you referenced me ... Were you referring to such nightmares? Why was I a participant? What role did I play that you would say such things?”

A groan sounded from the crater where Loki still laid, and Clint simply brushed past the thunder god and rushed over. Loki sat up with a groan and blinked his eyes. Clint sat down heavily next to him and sighed.

“You know, you’re lucky. I wish I could just lay down on this floor and pass out for like … a week.”

“I can help you with that if you like.”

He stared at Loki long enough for the god to simply glare and turn away. Ah, shit. Loki’s eyes locked onto each of the Avengers before landing on Thor.  _ Ah, shit. _

Loki flinched.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

“Brother.”

No single word had ever brought him so much pain, so much relief, so much joy, and so much anger all at once. As a numbness slowly spread through his mind, Loki looked helplessly back at Clint, who grimaced and put a hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t know what to do. He was just so … lost.

He just wanted this whole experience to be over.

“Odinson.” His voice was cold, colder than he wanted it to be. Clint’s hand squeezed tighter. A flurry of emotions drifted over their bond and gave his soul some life. His eyes dropped to the floor.  _ Soon _ . Soon he would determine his stance with his … Thor. Eventually.

Silence filled the room as everyone searched for words to say, or waited for others to speak first. It was an awkward silence. Loki had always hated those. He winced at the bright light coming from the window, but when he glanced at it, his body immediately went rigid.

No.  _ No. _ It …  _ It wasn’t an illusion _ .

Before anyone could blink, Loki roughly shook off Clint’s hand and stumbled his way to the window. Death and destruction could be seen everywhere he looked. Every building was on fire, every street torn, bodies littered the ground, and a fissure seemed to mar the sky where the portal had been opened. The once great skyline of the city was completely destroyed. Buildings had fallen to the ground, some cut in the middle. Smoke poured out of practically every window, and a thin wall of dust coated the air near ground level. Angry looking clouds started to gather, blocking out the sun. A pale hand touched the glass gently, and Loki’s breath caught.

“ _ No _ . _ ” _

The sound of glass breaking under a boot faintly registered in his mind as Clint made his way over and stood silently behind him. He continued to stare horrified at the ruined city below him.

This … all this … it was all his fault.  _ His fault _ .

This … this was what he was. What he always had been and always would be. It was true.  _ He’d been right _ . He  _ was _ a monster.

“I should have plunged the dagger in, Clint.”

“It wouldn’t have made any difference.”

No.  _ No it wouldn’t have. _

“I still should have done it.”

“This wasn’t you, that will never be you, bro.” Thor’s gaze burned into the back of their heads. Clint squeezed Loki’s shoulder. “It was Thanos. You know it and I know it.”

Loki shook his head. Clint didn’t understand. “It was my body, Clint. It was the copy of my soul and my spirit that did this. How can you say, even if I have no memories of it, that this wasn’t me?” He waved a hand behind them without looking, “Ask  _ any _ of them. They will tell you.  _ This. _ This was me, Clint.”

There was an angry silence from the figure to his left, “Yeah, I’m just gonna call bullshit on that, okay? And you know why?” Loki grit his teeth and glanced sideways into Clint’s eyes, “Because I know the kind of person you are, Loki. You’re the one who comforted me when I lived through my worst nightmare, who insisted to me that I was a good person when I was losing my mind with grief. You’re the one who fears hurting others, and who hates yourself for things you haven’t done. You go ahead. You go ahead and think that you’re some destructive monster.”

Loki flinched and looked back out the window, “But I’ll never think that. Okay? I told you. I told you I was going to help you. I’m not going back on that promise now.”

“You never promised that.”

“It was kind of a promise.”

“You’re ridiculous, idiotic, and a  _ fool _ .”

Clint grinned, “Two of those are the same thing.” Loki glared unimpressed with his semantics. “Look, Loki. I don’t know what I can say to convince you.” He shrugged, “Maybe I never will, but at least realize the fact that it wasn’t  _ you _ who did this. Don’t live in that illusion. Take credit and punishment for things you have done, not what you haven’t. Okay?”

Loki sighed. Clint was impossible. He couldn’t understand that destruction was what Loki had been born for. He remained stubbornly silent, and Clint sighed and gripped him in a half-hug before letting him go. 

“Do you need medical?” Loki glared and tried to figure out if Clint was joking.

“I have magic.” He saw that his curt dismissal had slightly stung the archer, and he let his apology show through his eyes. “But, thank you.”

Clint smiled slightly and turned away from the window. He promptly froze.

Loki rolled his eyes. Apparently, Barton had just realized that there were others in the room.

“You could’ve at least reminded me before I said all that feely stuff.”

“You’re an idiot, Clint.”

“So you’ve said.”

“And I mean it.”

“Of course you do.”

“ _ Clint _ .”

“ _ Loki _ .”

Tony abruptly stood up, “Well. I think I’ve heard enough. He can sleep on your floor, Legolas. I’m due for a shower.”

Rogers frowned deeply, “ _ Stark _ .”

“Hush up, Capsicle. Not all of us are indestructible super-soldiers.” With that, Tony left the room, and most chose to stare after him rather than each other. Loki’s stare was incredulous.

Were all mortals so utterly uncaring of their safety?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... what's the verdict?

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what everyone thinks!


End file.
